Strength

That is a word that is used in so many different ways. There are people all around me that say I have an amazing amount of strength. Some, actually a lot of people have said I am cold. That is where my MS has defined me in some ways. I have had to learn how to be strong. Some of my strength came from my family. I had to be strong to survive the favoritism. Some of my strength came from being a single mother to 3. But most of my strength came from my MS. Not knowing day by day how you are going to feel. Even hour by hour. Minute by minute. You have to learn to be strong. To weather the biggest storms. And even after a while you become numb. Not knowing ever what is going to happen to you. Most people do not even think about this. Or appreciate this. You can't appreciate something that you have not experienced. To have a disease that the doctors could tell you what is going to happen. Sometimes I think that would be a blessing. There is so much that is not understood or known about MS. They can tell you  that you will have pain. That is about the only thing they can say for sure. But they have no idea which areas it is going to affect. Or even to what extent. The unknown can harden a person to some extent. But at the same token it has also taught me that in life you can not have the good without the bad. The bad makes you appreciate the good so much more. Yesterday on Thanksgiving I thanked God for 2 things. 1 - That after 19 years being diagnosed with MS I am still walking. Barely, but I am. 2 - My family I love you all with all of my soul. We will see what I am thankful for next year. But even though I am strong, my inspiration is now something new. My grandson Keegan. He was born 3 months early. With a bleed in his brain which gave him severe scarring. He was not even supposed to be able to learn to suck from a bottle. He had to have a permanent shunt in his brain to drain the liquid that our brains normally absorb. He was not supposed to be able to walk, move normally or pretty much be "normal" by our standards. But by the grace of god and I believe sheer strength, HE IS DOING IT ALL!! Keebug Grama loves you and I am so incredibly proud of you. You will never know how you have inspired me. To become a better person. To be stronger. And to realize that life throws you curves you just have to find your way around them.